Acid
by Croutonic Sarcasm
Summary: Kisame let the feelings wash over him like the tide, pain dulling to a dull ache. What now, with crows sawing in his head and Kyuubi-kit comforting him? KisaIta, ItaSasu, metaphor for a real life incident so please ignore ooc-ness


Author's note: Please ignore ooc-ness. This is a metaphor of what recently happened to me in real life and I substituted the appropriate Naruto characters in for the people involved. This is my way of dealing with my feelings, and I honestly couldn't care less if it was the crappiest fanfic around; it helped me. If you want to review, knock yourself out, but I request no critiques talking about how I portrayed the characters, please. Thank you.

**Acid.** That's the name of the substance that Kisame felt as though was pouring through his insides, devouring all of his insides and leaving him hollow. His heart was shriveling under the wave of the caustic liquid, dying, losing the battle to stay afloat. Unable to withstand the assault, it fell to the feeling, plunging into the burning acid and screaming as it failed. The pain was unbearable as the organ perished, all feelings slowly numbing to the feeling as nerves were frayed beyond repair, unable to feel any longer from pure overload of emotion. The pain was turning into a dull ache, a soft throbbing in his chest where his heart used to be before it had been torn out by crows. Tears would fall, merely to mix with the ocean of misery and sadness he was surrounded in, as helpless as a child under the raw emotion of losing him, the other that had changed Kisame irrevocably.

The onyx eyes had always entranced him, the scarlet change had always excited the blue man's blood within his veins. The soft obsidian hair had felt so perfect between his fingers, silky soft and bliss to touch. For one who had killed many, Itachi was surprisingly soft, and it had never ceased to amaze the shark nin. Kisame closed his yellow eyes, giving in to the dream of what could have been and allowing emotions to merely wash over him instead of attempting to contain them or make sense of them. He had little experience with feelings, more comfortable with bloodlust of war and the anger of a fight, but when it came to small details of emotions, they were lost upon Kisame. Emotion after emotion poured across him, receding and returning with the moon's pull of the tide, the ocean slowly carrying him away just when he had felt secure.

For being so soft, Itachi had a personality that was hard to please. Kisame had done his best, doing only as he had thought Itachi wanted and attempting to right any wrongs that had been done to protect his uke and lover, but it was impossible to protect Itachi from himself or his own feelings. Perhaps Kisame should not of spoken of his personal doubt, unsure of the love he felt for the Uchiha, but no– it was too late by that point anyway. Kisame had not been enough, it was obvious now. Too rough and too blunt, too domineering and too aggressive, it had to be the very qualities that made him desirable that made Itachi wish for another... the younger Uchiha.

He was soft, he was gentle when the need called for it. He was much like Kisame, ready to spring up for battle when the occasion called, but unlike the shark, Sasuke would end it swiftly. His aggressive nature puzzled Kisame; what did Sasuke have that Kisame did not? After a while, it became apparent... Kisame was simply not enough. Itachi was a greedy being, perhaps he would not be content with just one. It was understandable, Itachi had lost all he had once held dear in a cruel stroke of fate, worse yet because he had done it by his own hand. Perhaps Itachi needed his last sin to haunt him to feel truly complete. Itachi needed many around him to feel loved and safe; Kisame, one mere human, could not provide what Itachi needed.

"_He told Sasuke so himself,"_ The boy had said, his blue eyes and blond spikes swaying in the wind as Kisame stood near the jinchuuriki, shocked that the Kyuubi-kit would say such a thing as the other plucked grass from the ground and crushed the stalks in his hand mindlessly. It had to be a lie– but no. Naruto had no reason to lie, and Naruto knew, he just knew, and the sadness within the sapphire hues was more piercing than any hate and radiating truth. _"I heard it from his own mouth. I was told not to say anything. But..." _ The boy had wavered, but then merely shook his head, unable to say what he felt. _"I remember the wording. 'Sasuke... I think I'm falling in love with you.'"_

Kisame opened his eyes, blue staining his vision for a moment before he blinked once more, then white crossed his vision; clouds dancing across the sky, full of merriment and mischief. Kisame would be unable to join them in their smiles for quite some time, the bleeding wound torn at by crows too new and too fresh. Perhaps one day Kisame would find another to love, one who would not do such a thing to him. Even a bed-mate would be nice, but Kisame dismissed it. He had his choice of touchable, fuckable bed-warmers, but he wanted to feel. He wanted to feel cared for, he wanted the emotion of love once more. Maybe he would find it, but he didn't know. All he could do is hope and wait, he might find another, but it would be difficult. His heart would eventually mend, kept together with wishes and string, but the scars would always be there, deeply engraved in the surface. There would be no way to erase this, no way to ever forget, and whoever was next would have a harder time to gain Kisame's trust... If, indeed, there was a next time.

They would need their own kind of acid to pry through the shell put up around his heart, breaking open the wall would be painful but beneficial. But not now, not yet, Kisame knew. It would take time to heal, and Kisame's heart needed to mend before any others could hope to touch it. It was healing slowly but surely, helped along by the one who had indirectly created the fissure, the support of the Konoha boys, Sasuke and Naruto, making Kisame relearn how to smile, watching Sasuke and Naruto tussle in the grass, free of any affiliations but love. Sasuke had not caused it, had not wanted it, and had refused Itachi, but once Kisame had found out, it had been the end of a friendship, the end of a love, the end of a relationship that ran deeper than the river's water.

_But,_ Kisame smiled weakly as Sasuke pinned the Kyuubi-kit down, kissing him passionately, _There is peace in this world. It's just hard to find. Tell me, Itachi..._ Kisame turned away from the loving duo on the grass nearby, giving them their privacy and instead looking to the black sky of night that reminded Kisame of Itachi's eyes. _Will you ever find your peace?_


End file.
